What is self-compassion and how to practice it.

Hey! I hope you're enjoying your summer vacation! What are your projects? I am working on my spanish and signed language ... Oh! And I would like to be able to run 10 km!

This month, I wanted to talk about psychological well-being. If you read my article on burnouts, you know that it is a topic very important to me. A few months ago, I watched a TED TALK about the difference between self-compassion and self-esteem. I could not tell the difference before and it really made me think about how I treat myself in comparison to how I treat others. I really invite you to listen too!

So I wanted to talk about self-compassion and its positive effects on psychological well-being, since it is an element helping to maintain a balanced life.

We all have a little inner voice with whom we have a kind of dialogue. In difficult times, we often tend to talk to ourselves in a very aggressive way, without actually realizing it. I started to keep a journal of thoughts analysis for that kind of moment and writing what I'm saying to myself is really challenging me. This aggressivity comes from the fact that we tend to believe that saying things like you are weak, you did not enough, your just a lazy potato ... will motivate us to work harder and will help us to succeed . Try picturing saying this to your best friend who is going through a difficult time! Not happening, right?Compassion towards yourself is based on this principle: to motivate you, to develop yourself, it is better to talk to yourself in the same way as to your family.

The exercise is difficult. It's not in our nature to accept our mistakes and treat ourselves gently. Yet, it is more effective to treat yourself with compassion rather than beating yourself up. Self-compassion is to become aware of your imperfections and emotions without agressivity. But beware: tit's not self-pity, but gaining awareness and searching for your well-being. There are three great parts to self-compassion: self-kindness, shared humanity and fully conscious acceptance.

Self-Kindness

It is to understand and encourage yourself with kindness instead of blames. It is to be warm, welcoming, understanding to yourself, without falling into self-pity and justification.

Shared humanity

It is to remember that we are not alone, that every person has its own hardships, like us. It is some sort of protection against loneliness.

Fully conscious acceptance

Being fully conscious is to concentrate on the emotions at the present moment, on your senses, without letting them invade your mind. An essential element of mindfulness is the present moment: to let go and not re-examine what has already happened, on which we have no control and to not worry about what has not happened yet. Another important element is to avoid judgment, just accept the sensation for what it is and then let it go. The Headspace application helped me to work on meditation and mindfulness, I highly recommend it!

Self-compassion vs self-esteem

Self-compassion is centered on self-acceptance, whereas self-esteem implies a comparison with others. A person who has compassion for himself does not need to compare his performance with others to feel valuable. In fact, a self-compassionate person is realistic in accepting his or her share of responsibility and weaknesses, whereas a person using only self-esteem tends to see himself or herself in an unrealistic way and to show a defensive behavior when criticized.

In conclusion

Self-compassion has many benefits. It reduces anxiety, makes you react better in a negative situation, regulates the intensity of emotions... To work on it, you can keep a journal of thought like this and meditate!

As my dad says: You're beautiful, you're good, you're capable!

Xoxo

Camille Élisabeth

This blog post is based on :

https://www.ulaval.ca/mon-equilibre-ul/unite-mobile/la-pleine-conscience.html

Caron, Nathalie. PROGRAMME DE TRAITEMENT CENTRÉ SUR LA COMPASSION POUR SOI POUR INTERVENIR SUR LA HONTE ET SUR LA CULPABILITÉ, (2013).

Neff, K. et al. (2007). Self-compassion and adaptative psychological functioning. Journal of Research in Personality 41 (139-154)